we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
