I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
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