They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
