Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
