So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
