Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize