try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
