I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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