Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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