just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
