I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We talked him into tasing himself.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
