literally had 100 drinks last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
