good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
