Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
