I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
