guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
