If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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