Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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