i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
