I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She even gives head with a lisp.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
