I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
