There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
