In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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