Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
