love makes seman taste better
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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