I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
