marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
