I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
