You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She bit a glass in half.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
