Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
