i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize