remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
