FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
