life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
