Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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