Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
