I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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