i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
