the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is wine microwaveable?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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