i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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