the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
