If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
