I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
