i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
