New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
