i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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