Porn is love you can see.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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