I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
