It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
