GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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