She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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