Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
