So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
