He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
