He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
