He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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