you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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