I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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