In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
