Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
