my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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