Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
