how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
