don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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