i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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