he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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