I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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