the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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