I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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